We know from past behaviour that the Football Association is hardly stocked with Britain’s finest minds. So on the off chance that one of the wretched, blundering, lowborn dunces is reading this, I shall take things veeeery sloooowly.
Our Number 10 was merely asking for an opinion from the assembled masses of joyful Gooners. He asked, very clearly, what they thought of Tottenham. The crowd briefly considered the evidence – over a century of abject failure, 20 years of finishing below Arsenal, and a support largely made up of the criminally insane who once burnt down their own town to obtain some training shoes – and replied that they thought Tottenham were shit.
In response, Jacques neatly turns the original question on its head, perverto peversi, peversum and inquires as to their opinion of shit. The crowd reply with unerring logic that they think that shit is Tottenham. Quad erat demonstrandum – what was specified in the enunciation has been exactly stated at the conclusion of the demonstration. He thanks the crowd for their opinion and they in turn express their gratitude for his politeness.
So the FA, in their finite wisdom, is charging a footballer for not only merely asking for an opinion, but one which was sought with the utmost politeness and conviviality. Moreover, the crowd’s view, that Tottenham are shit, is demonstrably the truth. So, well done the Football Association, you crew of gorbellied wingnuts. Weekly at the White Hart Lane Delusionbowl©® they refer to each other by a racist epithet, and yet nothing is done about that.
M. Wilshère, when summoned to sit before the Football Association’s kangaroo court, in their powdered periwigs, would be well within his rights to bring along the FA Cup, and proceed to defecate into it, before them, whilst uttering the words “I’m just having a little Tottenham” before polishing his starfish with their charge sheet. He might then pull out a Dunhill International and light it up whilst humming the National anthem of France. That would show the buggers.
I shall miss the Gent terribly during the summer lull.